Mooncake Festival, 2009

Melting Potluck, 2009

An audience has expectations when they attend a presentation. The presenter is expected to hypnotize them. He does this either by showing them amazing stuff, or by including them in the presentation. Either way, there must be engagement of the mind. If this fails, the audience will either occupy themselves in self-generated thoughts or they will stare awkwardly at the presenter. As a concluding point, it’s a matter of how interesting the presentation was.

Dinner Date with Me and My Two Pals

No Time Left but Deep is Still Thinking

Psycho Analysis of a Simple Conversation

Mister Deep

Wake Up Man

Mister Just Do It

What Are You Doing

Two Different Minds

Balance is the Key to Harmony

Studying the Mind

I was browsing through the Facebook profile of a girl I knew. I used to have a crush on this girl months ago, but today the more I browsed the more I realize just how ugly she is. Her profile is filled with a negative aura that beams out at me, making me feel negative just the way she is. And because she had this collage of beautiful pictures of herself pasted everywhere, I was mesmerized and couldn’t stop browsing even when my mind was telling me that this girl is a bitch, this girl is a fake two faced witch. Something in my male mind just kept going browsing on.

Then a familiar face popped up on the screen somewhere. It was the most beautiful face I’ve seen after that horrendous process. It wasn’t her face. It was my friend’s face, Esther Lau. The face I am seeing now was totally different from the previous one. This face is pure, happy, cheerful, and good. It’s a face of positive energy! And soon, I was mesmerized by this face, and totally forgot about the previous one.

I guess this is how a beautiful girl sweeps a guy off his feet. Today I remind myself never to fall for evil girls ever again.

Delusion Street

If there was a girl who has perfect beauty, how would she be? The first thing would be a nicely proportioned body with a figure matching golden ratios and texture of a refined level. Next would be her personality. It should ideally be free of negative burdens, youthful energy still intact, always wild and happy, cheering the moods of everyone around her.

The last one is I guess what more can you ask for? That is the perfect girl and the epitome of beauty. Sadly, men must conform to a different set of beauty.

Soah’credro dances together,

playing a rhythm that lasts forever,

each one hides a childish side,

yet where they touch it feels complete.

 

Yoon Meng

24th May 2009

 

 

 

You cannot really choose to follow either side, because it just isn’t fair. Those who do are marked as extremists. And most extremist societies no matter how mild, they punish themselves too harshly.

 

In my search for Utopia, for perfection, I have come to realize that it is already present and constant. Soah’credro is the true goal of any sentient being.

Today a bunch of scientists announced that they have found the Holy Grail. It turns out to be the great great grand aunt of the Human species. But though we humans may have been quite attracted to her millions of gazillions of years ago, she’s now just a cat sized monkey to us. It kinda reminds me of my last crush. Anyway, let’s not go there. I have an urging tendency to mock her whenever I can because she was such a bitch (rude + arrogant + insensitive + uncivilized).

 

The good thing is it also reminds me how much better I’ve become in the last two months. I’ve noticed that my blog hasn’t had any posts in April and May. It’s quite a dramatic thing because it was so active in March. I think what that says is that I’ve become more self secure as a macho man. And now I’m growing a beard just to check out how good I’ll look with it. It was inspired by the Spanish musicians who play live bands on Salsa nights in Melbourne. My favourite one is the girl who sang in the song “Velvet” by A-ha.

 

Gnem Nooy Hol Sutnem Tnecnivlac

(My Thai name, it means Cool Malaysian Stud made in Antarctica)

20th May 2009

It is a cardinal sin to be unhappy. But because we are human, happiness often escapes our careless palms like a slippery fish. Naturally, ordinary people such as myself will aspire to become godlike and to enjoy eternal happiness without pause. So today while I was thinking of an unhappy feeling, I started to turn it into a song, and eventually I created this set of lyrics for a song…

 

I’ve been chasing you, cause I’ve got a crush on you.

But I don’t know what to do, when you give me, that bitchy look.

That bitchy look, that split my heart in two.

It split my heart in two, and it turned my hot life blue.

Oh ugliness… (oh I hate it when it’s blue…)

 

But I don’t wanna be blue, I just wanna be with you.

Oh happiness… (oh don’t show me your bitchy look…)

 

I don’t wanna screw with you, cause I’ve run out of screws.

Oh beautiful…

 

And it made me happy.

 

Now I just need to compose some music to accompany the song. Then we’ll record it!

 

Yeah…!!

Yesterday was a very lightening day for me. I can say that it was one of the best days I’ve had in Melbourne. I was fortunate enough to bump into so many friends while walking around in the streets. Incidentally, I even met a friend of a close friend of mine. She greeted me warmly, and in a genuine fashion. And this really changed my whole perception of Melbourne. It reminds me of home in Ipoh. Melbourne is now a home to me.

 

Yet, as it may be one of the best days for me, it ended with a very sad thought. I was very upset at the end of the day. I was upset with myself. I was disappointed with my behaviour. I am not as refined as I want myself to be.

 

I noticed that within the past few weeks, I have started to open up myself to others. I have begun to express myself more freely. But occasionally, I may let myself say things that are bad. And right after doing so, I will feel very guilty, and it hurts me.

 

I don’t mind other people thinking bad about me, because people always have the wrong impressions about a person. But this is different. I could see it in their eyes as I talk, that they know my ugliness. It just cuts a sore through my heart to learn how ugly I can be. I don’t want to be an ugly person. I want to become a beautiful man.

 

I will change…

 

Yoon Meng

28^th March 2009

How was it that when I last went back to my hometown, and I felt another cultural shock? Let’s attempt to trace my personality when I first left my hometown one year ago to explore Melbourne. One of my very first close friends in Melbourne was Eamon Tan. I remember his remark that I was a very transparent, spontaneous, and passionate guy. And that these were the unique characteristics that made me different from the normal Melbourne culture.

I guess my withdrawn attitude came about as a reaction towards the Melbourne culture of restrained speech. When I first came to Melbourne, I remember observing that people here always thought long and hard before ever expressing their words. Even feelings were expressed in well constructed sentences that required much effort. This hesitation to speak freely seems to be the norm in Melbourne, which is the direct opposite of Ipoh, where people always spoke whatever came into mind. Ipoh people are so transparent.

I guess I owe much to a remark by another friend of mine, Ping Shin, who told me that I am a quiet person and that she felt that I never express myself freely. This helped me a lot in solving the puzzles of reality and seeing a more precise perspective of my social environment. The fact is, I am neither a quiet person, nor do I enjoy keeping thoughts to myself. Maybe the problem lies in my preferences of who to express to, for not everyone will enjoy my spontaneous and transparent personality. I guess humans have a set value of behaviours when in the presence of different set combination of people. It’s interesting to observe my set behaviours. I wonder what the dominant factor is behind each scenario. So far, I have been quite successful in adjusting my behaviours. I just need to slowly ease my natural expressions out so that I can socialize comfortably in the best character.

Yoon Meng

26^th March 2009

“You are a piece of rock that needs much polishing to reveal the diamond inside”

(Taras Wolf, 2008)